Undefined
by Riku-Aura777
Summary: What is love? Is it something that can be described? Can anyone truly say what it is? Zelos Wilder doesn't know what to make of the emotion, since he's never experienced it in his life. But maybe, maybe he can find out.


Well, here I am with another Sheelos one-shot. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Even though I'm a couple days late, this is dedicated to the wonderful writer Faux Promises, whose birthday was Sunday. I'm so sorry for the late gift! I know you'll forgive me though. I hope you like it, even though I'm not feeling that confident about it. Just a warning: this hasn't been thoroughly edited. I just gave it a quick look-over.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

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"'Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person'." Zelos stared at the page before him for a moment longer, and then gently closed the dictionary. He was not sure if he should be appeased by the definition or discouraged. His feelings were mostly veering towards the latter.

_It also said something 'bout it being a warm feeling that can be directed to a parent, child, or friend. I wonder if the writer of the dictionary also wrote sappy romance novels…_

Love, affection, fondness, it all meant the same thing. And no matter what it was called, it was an emotion that Zelos Wilder had been starved off; an emotion he wasn't even sure he was capable of feeling.

Tossing the dictionary onto a nearby table, Zelos stepped out of his bedroom and wandered the halls of his mansion. Arriving downstairs, his eyes glanced to the large portrait of his mother Mylene, a beautiful woman who he shared no resemblance to, except for the same blue-gray eyes.

A few years after he was born, Zelos's father had left him and his mother after having fallen in love with a half-elf. Even though Mylene had not been in love with the Chosen's father, Zelos had realized that she had been completely withdrawn after he left, especially when it came to him.

While the memories of his childhood had blurred with each passing year—he was twenty-two after all—he could remember not really feeling anything after his father had left. They were not particularly close, since he had not had enough time in his short life to get to know him. He had not seen him since he had left all those years ago, so he wasn't sure if the man was still alive or not. Honestly, it did not matter if he was or not.

However, he had not liked the way his mother had become almost reticent after he left. She treated him with an unfair _cruelty_, something that even after all this time he still placed the blame with himself. Maybe if he had been a better son, a better _Chosen_, then maybe that tragedy would not have happened. Maybe, even if the accident could not have been helped, he would have been able to get his mother to feel a sliver of love for him, because he knew that he still loved her.

After his mother had died… he could not remember much immediately following it. Of course, he remembered the last thing she said to him—like he could forget it—but everything else was a blank. He fuzzily recalled a few days later that a half-elf—more accurately, his half-sister Seles's mother—was the one behind it. She had been executed no more than a week later.

While he did not know her that well, he figured that she loved her daughter, enough to get herself killed. True, his own mother had gotten herself killed over him, but he could not imagine that it was because of love. So, just by being alive, he had ruined his mother's chance at happiness, more importantly life, and had cut off his sister's ties with her mother, and had condemned her to an abbey for the rest of her life. The image of his sister's eyes upon his own as she was being taken away by a nun was forever burned into his mind.

Despite how unfamiliar it was, he knew that was not love. Besides, Zelos was convinced he was unworthy to even experience it. The closest it seemed he would reach to it would be the fake smiles and giggles he encountered everyday by the girls who _adored _him. At one point, he figured that false love would be better than no love at all, but he had discovered that it only hurts more.

Sebastian, his butler and father in every way but blood, often thought of him as smart, even though he had never bothered to apply himself in his studies. But the Chosen found it rather pathetic that he had to look up the definition of the word 'love' only because he was not sure of what it was. What would _she _think of him now…?

The _she _in question was, of course, Sheena Fujibayashi, the girl who over the past few years had become his closest friend. He often thought about how this came to be, since they were quite different. She was a humble, sweet girl while he had been the boy in the spotlight, revered because of _what _he was, rather than _who._

But Sheena, she was different. She never cared that he was the Chosen of Tethe'alla, the person who would one day save the world. When they had started getting close, he was tempted to tell her what being the Chosen actually meant, but he did not have the heart to tell her that he would one day _die _of the world. He did not want to see her sad over that fact. Or maybe, maybe he did not want to see her reaction at all. Maybe it was the insecure part of him taking over, fearing that she would not be sad at all over his death.

Even though he was not ready to come out and say it, she was the person he was thinking of when he looked up the word 'love'. Lately, Zelos had been getting a feeling over the ninja. He was not sure if he should just dismiss it and not worry, or to be concerned. No one had ever treated him like she did, and he missed her when she was not around. Also, when he would see her smile, he wished time would just stop. If anyone deserved to smile, it was definitely Sheena.

Teasing her was something he was always fond of, even as his feelings towards her were transforming into something he could not fathom. Seeing her becoming flustered and embarrassed gave him a feeling of incomprehensible happiness, knowing that he was the only one who could get her like that. It made him feel special in a way, but not as much he heard Sheena confess to him one day that he was the closest friend she had ever had.

_That _was what made him afraid to confess his developing feelings for her. What if she did not return them? Would things become tense and awkward around them? Would things eventually get so bad that Sheena would just want him out of her life? It was that insecure part of him that revived itself telling him that it would happen; that everyone that was close to him always suffered some type of misfortune. He refused to let that happen to her.

A quick knock threw Zelos out of his reverie. Walking over to the door, his eyes meant the very same ninja who had been consuming his thoughts lately. However, he was really focusing on the heavy from that marred her face and the indescribable emotion that her eyes held.

"Sheena, is something wrong?" He asked, unable to keep the concern out of his voice. "Wanna come in?"

His worry increased when she only just nodded. Moving aside, he ushered the summoner-in-training inside, hoping that she would finally say something to rid him of this feeling of deep unease.

"I'm leaving… tomorrow."

The words had been uttered so quietly… so strained. Zelos gave an impulsive gulp. "Leaving? Where?

"Sylvarant. Mizuho was just asked to carry out an assassination on their Chosen, so I'm going," she hesitantly admitted.

"You can't be serious. You can't seriously be considering this! Why would you _want _to do this?"

"I have to, Zelos. I have to make sure it's done, I can't just leave the job to anyone else," she stated, placing her hands on her hips.

"That can't just be it. This is… oh, I get what this is. You feel like you have to prove something to them, don't you? Well, guess what Sheena—you can't prove anything to Mizuho if you're…" He was unable to finish that sentence, but the feeling of that unspoken declaration lingered in the air. _You could _die _Sheena, _he mentally finished.

That was when he was hit by a feeling of realization. Sheena could _die_. She could _leave _him, and apparently, she did not seem to have a problem with that.

_No, _he internally argued, _she must know that. She must know all the risks of doing this._

"Zelos? I'm sorry."

"I can't talk you out of this, can I?" He muttered in a defeated tone.

"No, you can't. I'll be fine. I'll come back here a hero. Mizuho will accept me. I'll come back to _you_, okay?"

While that statement did somewhat quell the feeling of anguish, his heart gave a painful lurch. She sounded so confident, but that was typical of her nature. She would not show her fear; she would not allow him to worry.

Was this love? This feeling that he would not be able to handle it if Sheena died. Zelos was not sure, but he was going to trust his instincts. This just _had _to be. What else _could _it be?

"You better. If you don't, I won't have anyone to tease," he joked, forcing out his carefree, nonchalant tone.

"I'm not… going to die yet. I still have things to do."

Zelos found himself unable to comment about the hesitance that laced her voice. It reminded him of the way she was when she had just arrived at Meltokio before she knew anyone.

"Promise me," he muttered.

"I promise."

_Could she feel… the same way? _He found himself thinking as he said good-bye to her as she left, feeling as if he was outside of his body. _Would she… want to?_

* * *

With a long sigh, Zelos laid back onto the damp grass and stared up at the stars, processing everything that had happened in the last couple of days. It had seemed like a blur, but now, under the starlit, serene sky, the memories just came rushing back.

She was ready to sacrifice herself for them… how could Sheena could do? How could she be that prepared for Kuchinawa to kill her? Did she forget about that promise she had made him those few months ago?

His current thoughts were distracted by the sound of approaching footsteps. Sitting up, Zelos looked into the distance to see a person walking towards him. His semi-brooding mood seemed to somewhat lessen as he noticed that it was Sheena who was walking.

When she looked at him with confusion in her eyes, he asked her, "How'd you know I wanted some company, hunny?"

"Don't call me hunny," she weakly protested. "What are you doing out here? It's late."

"You're concerned? I guess miracles can happen."

"Why am I even bothering?" She muttered just loud enough for him to hear. "You know what, never mind. I'm going back."

"W-wait Sheena! Did you need something?" He bit tongue to hold back the rest of that question.

"It's nothing really. I just… wanted to ask you something."

Sitting back down, Zelos motioned for Sheena to lie down next to him. He only shrugged when she shook her head. "Well, what can I help you with, hunny?"

Giving an annoyed scoff, Sheena began, "Well, I was just wondering… why did you save me?"

"Because you were going to be an idiot. I couldn't let that happen."

"I see." It could have just been his imagination, but Zelos could have sworn Sheena sounded disappointed.

"You promised you wouldn't do anything reckless," he whispered, unaware that he had actually said that.

"What…?"

"Before you left to murder Colette," he continued, biting his lip at the wince she gave. "You said you weren't going to die. So what changed? Why did you decide that you should die now?"

With a sigh, Sheena sat down next to the Chosen. "Kuchinawa wouldn't be after you guys anymore if I died. I was… just trying to help you out."

"That still isn't a good reason to play the hero, you know."

"You were a little bit of a hero too, Zelos. You saved me, even though you didn't to," she stated, a small blush showing on her pale skin. "But… why did you _really _do it?"

Unfortunately for the swordsman, Zelos found himself unable to answer that question. Rather, he knew what he wanted to say, he just did not know if it would be what Sheena wanted to hear. She did not seem to feel the same way about him that he felt for her. But… how could he be completely sure if he did not ask?

Sitting back up, Zelos did something he was not fully expecting. With a slight pause, he leaned forward and placed a small, hesitant kiss on her lips before pulling back. His gaze focused on the ground, almost scared to bring it back up.

"Why did you do that?" Sheena asked him after a moment of tense silent. Her tone was not angry or disappointed, just… curious.

"You wouldn't want to hear it," he insisted as he continued to look at the grass.

"Zelos, you just kissed me. I think I have the _right _to hear why."

"We've uh… we've been friends for a long time, right?"

"You make it sound like you forget. Yeah, we have been."

"And… you're the closest person in my life. You always have been."

"I feel the same way."

"And… I, uh, think that… I'm… in love with you, Sheena. I've thought so for a long time."

They lapsed back into silence after that, and Zelos was afraid that he had said something wrong, or that he shouldn't have said anything at all. He was now just waiting for the rejection he knew was bound to happen, because nothing even went right in his life. Why should love be any different?

He almost flinched away when he felt Sheena's gloved hand lightly touch his cheek. Not resisting as she tilted his head, Zelos asked, "What're you doing?"

His question was not met with a response. Instead, much to his surprise, it was met with a kiss. If he had not been caught up in his shock, he would have thought about why she was doing this.

"I think that…" Sheena began after the kiss had ended, "I feel the same way… and I have for awhile."

"But… I'm not really sure." Seeing Sheena's disappointed stare, Zelos stuttered, "Uh, well, it's not your fault, just mine." _Heh, it almost sounds like we're breaking up. That has to be ironic or something, _Zelos thought, almost feeling a chuckle rise in his throat. "I'm just not sure."

"I don't think you can ever be sure," Sheena admitted. "Is love really something you know about? Doesn't everyone have a problem figuring it out?"

"Yeah, I guess."

It was then that Zelos realized that love was just about as foreign to Sheena as it was to him. Her voice had held a quiet conviction when she had said her opinion about love, but he could hear the remaining hesitance in it. She was just as unsure about her feelings as he was about his own.

"Love isn't something that you can describe," Sheena continued. "It's just… a feeling that you can't put into words, I think. What I feel for you… it's different than anything I've ever felt for anyone. It might not be love, but I think it could be."

Staring at her with his blue-gray eyes, Zelos could see the sincerity radiating from Sheena's brown eyes. Though she knew almost everything about him, she loved him. Zelos was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around that, but he felt oddly warm inside, just knowing that she cared about him.

"I think you're right Sheena," he muttered.

Maybe he did not know what love is. Maybe she did not know as well. Either way, what the two of them felt for each other was not going to mysteriously vanish. It would last, persevere, and maybe that's what love is.

At least, that would always be Zelos Wilder's interpretation of the feeling.

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So, that's it. How was it? Was it at least review worthy? I hope so. If you don't understand what I mean by that… well, I'm asking you to review. Don't let me down, fellow Sheelos writers/readers!


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